04.10.2012

Thought of planning to blog about my birthday and my anniversary as I promised to someone.
But I've change my mind, I think maybe it's time for me to do some reflection and improve.
Thought of writing this in Chinese, but don't know why ended up with English. LOL

I know that I'm lacking some skills that is vital for survival in this society.
I know that I have tons of shortcomings that could affect my survival in this society.
Yet, I'm learning them bit by bit and improving in a very slow pace.
Indeed I've changed and improved, and I thought I had a good progress.
But in fact, it was not enough at all. At least, not good enough.
There are still more things for me to be improved, tons of them.

Sometimes I speak without processing the words carefully,
and it ended up with offence or hurt other people.
I didn't really meant to be sarcastic or bragged,
I just blurted out as a joke and I know it's a bad joke.
I only realized it after the words was out of my mouth.
I know this would damage the relationship,
but it was not my intention at all and I don't want this to happen either.
So, sometimes I rather to keep my mouth shut,
because I'm afraid of getting people offence of what I said.
As I really don't want to lose any friends because of this silly mistake.
I try to change when I realized, but it has already became one of my bad habit.
I will try my best to learn how to talk wisely, but it takes times.
I hope it's not too late for me to start changing right now.

Sometimes, when I get frustrated or annoyed by something,
I will show a "shit face" without realizing I was doing it,
and throw a temper in front of people without realizing it.
Maybe it seems to be so normal for me to behave in such way,
therefore me myself is not even aware of such misbehavior.
I know that I have a bad temper since long time ago.
When I say bad temper, it is really BAD.
Although I have changed and my temper is not as bad as LAST time.
However, it is still "not good enough".
I know the people around me do not deserve for my bad temper.
For people who tolerate with me, they are just simply being kind to me.
But I know that they don't owe me, they can just push me away.
So, I want to change for my own good and also a return for them.
I am trying to improve my temper, trying so hard, yet little progress.
Because of this, I also make other people upset about me.

I'm a person who have a short "antenna"- insensitive
I don't realize my misbehavior as it has became a bad habit of mine.
So, I really need someone to point out my shortcomings for me.
As I really did not realized about what I've done was bad or
I didn't even realized about it at all.

Sometimes, I feel like there is something wrong with me.
The something wrong here means a weakness.
I really want to change but I do not know what is that weakness.
I cannot pinpoint the flaws by myself, as my eyes are folded by my big ego.

If I've said or done anything stupid that offense you, I'm really sorry about that.
I promised I will try my best to improve my weaknesses.
But I don't guarantee how efficient I am going to be.
After all, I'm just a normal human that with lots of weakness waiting for me to improve.